My Journey of Mental Health, Autism, ADHD, and Recovery

I’ve lived through depression, anxiety, self-harm, and addiction — and survived suicide attempts that nearly ended my life. My story isn’t easy to share, but I tell it because I know how isolating these struggles can feel.

In 2023, I was diagnosed with autism, and in mid-2025, ADHD. Both gave me a new understanding of myself, my creativity, and my challenges. I’ve now been five years clean from cocaine and vodka, though I still manage depression and anxiety daily.

What saved me was family, and finding healthy outlets: photography, writing, and the outdoors. Wild camping, capturing landscapes, and putting my experiences into words have become my way of healing and connecting. These creative passions help me transform pain into something meaningful.

If you’re struggling, know this: you’re not alone. Change is hard, but it’s possible. This is my personal story of mental health, addiction recovery, and self-discovery — and I hope it brings you a little hope, too.

About Me: My Journey Through Depression, Anxiety, and Recovery

A life of depression, anxiety, self-harm, and addiction recovery. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever written, but I share it in hopes it helps someone who feels alone.

Growing Up Feeling Different

Growing up, I always felt different from those around me. I was a shy child, lacking in confidence. But there was one place I felt at ease — on my bike. Falling off, injuring myself, even breaking bones, was a regular occurrence. My poor dad was constantly fixing my bike or taking me to hospital, while my mum would be smacking the floor, muttering, “Naughty floor.”

Struggling Through School and Anxiety

School was tough. In primary school, I struggled with the basics — reading and writing — and that didn’t get any easier in high school. High school felt huge and intimidating. The teachers were scary, and maths suddenly involved letters instead of just numbers. Algebra and Shakespeare? I hated both.

The only parts I enjoyed were being outdoors or that moment at twenty past three, when it was finally time to go home. Looking back, my school anxiety and struggles with learning were early signs of challenges I wouldn’t understand until much later on in life.

Teenage Years: Addiction and Mental Health Battles

My teenage years were when I really began to lose my way. In my late teens, going to bars and nightclubs became the norm. But I hated crowds — and still do. That’s where alcohol and drugs came in. They gave me a confidence I’d never known, but looking back, they only made things worse.

In my early twenties, I tried to quit both. That’s when my anxiety and depression skyrocketed, and I began self-harming to cope. Some cuts were deep enough to need stitches.

Addiction, Self-Harm, and Hitting Rock Bottom

At twenty-five — the lowest point in my life so far — I was put under the care of a psychiatrist and a counsellor and prescribed medication. But I became an expert at hiding my problems, fooling everyone — especially myself. I stopped taking the medication and turned to self-medication instead: cocaine and vodka, two of my biggest demons.

At twenty-eight, I took an overdose — over a thousand painkillers, a mix of paracetamol and codeine. Between then and forty, I saw various counsellors and therapists, but I kept self-medicating. I wasn’t ready to help myself

The Turning Point: Choosing Life Over Suicide

My turning point came in 2020, at the age of forty. I climbed a fence, walked onto the railway tracks, and stood there. My will to live had simply vanished. It felt like forever, standing there with no trains coming, feeling like a complete failure. But eventually, I climbed back over the fence and returned to the station platform.

Both digital boards read: Train delayed.

That moment changed everything.

Life After Addiction: Five Years Clean

This year, 2025, marks five years clean of cocaine and vodka. I continue to take prescribed medication and still struggle with depression, anxiety, and sleep. I still experience negative thoughts during low periods.

In 2023, I received an autism diagnosis. And in mid-2025, ADHD. The autism and ADHD diagnoses were another piece of the puzzle — a way of understanding my restless energy, bursts of creativity, and difficulty with focus. Rather than a limitation, I see autism and ADHD as a lens that gives me new perspective, curiosity, and drive in life.

Healing Through Photography, Writing, and the Outdoors

That’s where my love for photography, writing, and the outdoors really helps. Photography allows me to turn negative feelings into something positive — calming and soothing, the opposite of how I often feel.

And writing — something I once struggled with at school — has become part of my healing journey. It’s how I make sense of my experiences, give my pain a voice, and connect with others.

“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain but to add colour to my sunset sky.”

You’ll often find me with a big bag on my back — just me, my camera, my tent, and my notebook — out wild camping in all weathers. It’s a kind of medicine that works better than anything else.

Why I Share My Mental Health Story

Photography and writing give me a voice — a universal language I can use to express myself. They’re the confidence I once sought from drugs and alcohol, but in a healthier, more authentic way. They’ve become my outlets for emotions and thoughts, and a reminder that recovery is possible.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. And if you’re struggling too, it’s important to find your own way to express what’s going on and ask for help. Reaching out isn’t weakness — it’s strength. You deserve to be heard, and your needs matter. Remember, you’re not alone.